My broken engagement

Did you know that before I was engaged to Dave I was engaged to a guy named Joe? Well, I was. And this is the story: (my thoughts, just jumbled together. I hope it makes sense) I asked Dave if it was okay with him if I blogged about this. I don't want to make him feel weird about it.

Back in the summer of 2002 I joined LDS singles dot come. Lame, I know. I met a guy named Jud there. We hung out a couple times and he was a nice enough guy, but he was quite young. I love going to Lagoon and I used to go every year. I asked a couple friends if they wanted to go with me and I got my friend Sarah to go with me. I asked Jud if he wanted to go and he said yes. My friend Sarah brought a guy with her. This guy had been in her institute class and they had gone on a date or two, I'm not sure how many. So Jud came to my house, then we got in my car and picked up Sarah and her friend. We rode up to Lagoon and I thought Sarah's friend was funny and he laughed at my jokes. At Lagoon we kind of switched dates. I was more interested in her date and she was more interested in mine. Her date was Joe. Anyway, I had a lot of fun. She and Jud ended up dating, too. I think it's a funny story.

A week after Lagoon all 4 of us got together at my house and hung out. Joe was at my house until late, very late. Or should I say early. He left at 4:30 a.m. Don't ever tell my kids that when they are teenagers.

So Joe and I started dating. Lagoon was on September 21st. And by general conference, which was the first week in October (I think), he introduced me as his fiance to a friend of his that we saw on Temple Square. He didn't officially propose until November 22nd. So things went very fast. Too fast.

Things were kind of rocky. The engagement was off, then back on again. Very emotional. He was from Arizona. He said he was going to move home to Arizona and that he wanted me to go with him. I told him that I'd go, but not if I was just a girl he was going to date. I'd go if we were going to work on things. I quit my job and moved to Arizona. So we moved to Tucson. I lived with his parents and he lived with a close friend of his. Let me tell you how much I love his parents. I absolutely love them. Even all these years later I still do. I haven't talked to them since this all happened, but I'm facebook friends with his dad and his aunt. And with Joe, too. I met his grandparents. In fact, before we moved to Arizona we went to visit. My friends Rob and Amy had some airline vouchers that were going to expire at the end of October so they gave them to us. And two weeks later his grandfather passed away and we went back again.










Things were just weird. I was ready to marry him, but he would drag his feet. I didn't feel like I pressured him. I knew I wasn't like the other girls he usually dated. I think he just KNEW it was wrong, but didn't want to seem like a bad guy. Not that you are a bad guy if you break off an engagement. In fact, I was ultimately the one that called it off, but that was because he didn't. He kept telling me that he had learned so much from me and that made me so mad (back then). I didn't want him to use me as a building block to learn more and more things and I told him that. I now know what he meant. Truth be told, I KNEW it was not the right choice. I mean, I was a good person, he was a good person, but together we were not a good choice.

So we were in Tucson. I had a couple job interviews and I actually got a job. I was hired as an elderly aide at an assisted living home, which is what I was doing in Orem before I went to Arizona. I was supposed to start on a Sunday. Normally I'm a very dependable person, but I called them that morning and told them I would not be taking the job. Also, we went to the DMV to get a drivers license. I had the form filled out and at the last minute decided not to get an Arizona license. Those two things (the job and the license) made it very easy for me to just leave Arizona. I didn't have to give two weeks notice, I just left.

All these thoughts keep coming in my head so that is how I'm writing them. His family was so great to me. They loved to watch The Red Green Show, which is funny because Dave loves it. I made an authentic Mexican dish with Joe's mom- she is from Mexico. And she is gorgeous, by the way. His dad is very, very practical. Doesn't take crap from anyone, which is something I really liked about him. His sister bought me a Dixie Chicks cd for my birthday. His family was amazing. In fact, that was one of the hardest part about the whole thing, knowing that I wouldn't be a part of his family. They were so fun to be with.

So when did we break up? It was pretty much going downhill, well, from the beginning, but the official day was Valentine's Day. Isn't that funny? I knew it was over and I asked him to come help me pack. Seriously, the look in his eyes made me feel bad for him. It was kind of a scared look. He came over to the house that I lived in (I moved in with some roommates later) and when I opened the door that look was there. If I was a guy I would have been scared, too. I mean, wondering what the girl is going to say to you? I moved to another state for this guy! I quit my job! I said goodbye to everyone! Girls, we all know we can be b/witchy. Admit it. There were so many things that I wanted to say to him! Was I going to let him have it??? I didn't know what I was going to say. I just wanted to "talk". I think I wanted to "talk" about things way too much back then, but I was just confused and wanted clarity. But then my heart was softened and it occurred to me: he didn't force me to come to Arizona. I went because I wanted to. I WANTED to be with him and try to work it out. I was going to marry this guy (or so we/I thought). He had done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing. And we just sat on my bed and talked. When it was over you never would have known we had just broken up. We held hands as we walked to his car, we kissed goodbye when he left. It was great. I'm so glad I didn't rip into him or yell at him. I remember thinking I still wanted him to have happy thoughts of me and not think, "man, I'm SO glad I didn't marry HER. She's awful!"

So that was the 14th. I called my mom at work (she was a teacher) and she picked up the phone and I said, "mom?" And she said, "what's wrong?" I said, "I'm coming home" and started crying. I wanted to change my oil for the long drive home (about 14 hours I think) and I was at the gas station just sobbing. I was at the Grease Monkey just sobbing. Maybe not FULL ON sobbing. Poor guys must have wondered who the freaky girl was. So my dad flew out to Tucson and drove home with me.

My dad's flight was late, like midnight on the 15th. That night Joe, his friend, and I played cards. We got along great, that was one of the fun things. When we moved to Arizona his friend noticed something different about Joe. I think it was that he wasn't happy with me. I think as friends we were fine, but thinking about being married to each, that wasn't what he wanted. So these pictures of me in the white and gray striped shirt was the last time we saw each other. I left right from there to go to the airport to pick up my dad. Look at Joe's eyes. You'd think I'd be the one who looked the saddest. I was the one who was rejected. I look happy, though, don't I?













Sorry, but the bottom of my shirt is pulled up a bit on this one.



I think of my time with him and his family with fondness, and I hope he does the same. I'm glad it didn't work out though. Look at my husband and kids, the loves of my life.